Depressed by Keith Giles
I am depressed. There's no use hiding it.
Over the last year now I've been struggling to find full-time work to support my family. It's been a difficult time to say the least, although God has been faithful to see us through each and every trial and difficulty. Still, after awhile I get weary.
Yesterday I had a second interview for a Copy Writer job at Ingram Micro, where I used to work as an associate program manager four years ago. The interview went well, actually. They looked at my writing samples, commented on my variety of skills and experience, and we laughed and smiled a lot throughout the meeting. It was a good interview, I think.
But on the way home I started thinking about how long I've been doing this sort of thing. How many interviews like this have I had over the last year? Dozens. How many times did I drive away feeling like I had aced it? All of them. How many of those interviews turned into a job offer? None.
Here's what I think I've learned over the last few months. God doesn't often take us out of our difficulty, but He does walk with us through the pain.
Sometimes we think it's a sin to be depressed. We can get it into our heads that to be sad is to be less than an overcomer or a victorious Christian. I think the Scriptures disagree with that actually.
I don't know about you, but I identify a lot with Joseph, before he was elevated to the Vice Pharaoh of Egypt, when he was in charge of his fellow prisoners, alone and forgotten.
I can identify a lot with David, before he was King, when he was an unwanted, unloved, unimportant kid sitting with the sheep and the goats on the side of the hill all alone. Maybe that's why the Psalms resonate with so many of us? We can understand what it feels like to be on the outside looking in, with no one but God to be our friend.
"Why are you so downcast oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my saviour and king." (Psalm 43:5)
David writes like this often. He openly shares his sadness and his grief with God. He doesn't put on a mask or a fake smile to hide what is really going on in his heart. I like that.
God promises to walk with us through the valley of the shadow of death. He promises to hear our groans, deeper than words can express. He promises to never leave us or forsake us.
Jesus was acquainted with grief, and a man of sorrows. He wasn't afraid to experience pain, or sadness. He didn't snap his fingers and erase the hard times when they came. He went to his knees and asked for strength, for rescue, and for hope. Even for Jesus, there were times when that rescue didn't come, and yet he continued forward, walking in faith, enduring the shame.
There is hope for me in this. I mean, I would love it if God would simply wave His hands and make all of my sadness disappear. That would be great, really. But knowing that God is real, that He will take my hand and lead me through this difficult time as my Father, and my friend, is almost more amazing than having having my troubles erased.
So, forgive me, but today I am depressed. Just a little. I hope to keep my eyes on Jesus today, to remember the goodness of God in the midst of my trials. I will cling to Him and not let go.
"Where else can we go, Lord? You have the words of life."
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WE HAVE A DATE AND A PLACE! The Non-Con will take place on March 14 & 15, 2008 in Newport Beach, California at Triangle Square. Registration will open soon for this "Non Conference" with Jackie Pullinger and David Ruis. Only 100 seats available. More info at
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MY FIRST BOOK! Should be about another two weeks or so now and the book will be all done. "The Gospel: For Here Or To Go?" will feature a forward by author Neil Cole ("Organic Church") and the first five people to purchase a copy will receive a nice little grab-bag of goodies directly from me. Details soon.