by Keith Giles
For the last several weeks I have struggled with an inner sense of unrest that I cannot quite shake or define. I'm not sure if it's related to my own personal "three year itch" or if it's something deeper, more psychological or even spiritual in nature.
Every three years something changes in my life. In the 15 years we've lived in California I have changed jobs approximately every 3 years. People who look at my resume can discern the pattern for themselves. It's nothing I've done of my own volition, but certainly God has established an almost circadian rhythm in my life where every three years I change jobs, or a door closes, or an opportunity arises.
Our house church, "The Mission" is in its 3rd year now. This makes me wonder if changes aren't around the corner, although I cannot anticipate what those changes, if any, might entail.
I also can't discern whether my sense of unrest is related to this or if it's something God is doing in me, or to me, or in spite of me.
Our house church is very strong. Everything continues as it always has, and people are continuing to grow and mature and learn to love one another as we move along. It's not a sense of dissatisfaction with any person or any aspect of the house church at all. Yet, it is a sort of dissatisfaction within myself that I cannot quite name.
This afternoon I had some time to myself to pray about this and allow God to search my heart on this matter. I tried to hear God's voice on this and trace the feelings of unrest to their source, but all I came up with was this- Maybe the empty feeling I have is God?
Maybe I've been looking for people, or experiences, or activities to feed my soul when I should have found my sustenance in Christ alone?
The more I meditated on this the more it seemed to resonate. In fact, it was the only thought that brought me any sense of hope or comfort or relief. The empty feeling inside me is God.
Or better yet, the emptiness I feel is the gaping hole where God longs to find His home and settle within.
I've been working hard lately to finish up my book about God's heart for His church and His vision from the beginning to have intimate fellowship with His people. I've marvelled at verse after verse where God promises that a day will come when no one will ever refer to the Ark of the Covenant again, or even remember it again, because all of creation itself will be the place where God dwells.
I've been astounded to see God's plan to tear down the Temple made with human hands in order to build for Himself a new temple made of people who love Him and embody His very Holy presence throughout the Earth.
Even as I've studied and pondered and considered these amazing things, God has been whispering to me in a deeper, almost imperceptable voice - "I am here"
If there's one thing I've learned over the last few years it's that there's a great difference between knowing something is true in God's word with your mind and knowing that something is true with your life.
Practicing the astounding truth of God in your actual life is so much more amazing than knowing that same truth in your head.
Now that I know these things, I know that I will be blessed if I do them, and live them, and declare that they are true by the way I put them into practice.
"Heaven is my throne, and earth is my footstool. Where is the house you will build for me? Where will my resting place be?" - Isaiah 66:1-
The only cure for unrest is rest and I long for God to find His resting place in me.
THE END IS COMING. WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
We'll all find out on 8/28/09